Ninety nine percent of the time I find myself looking at Abby and wondering how anything can be wrong with her. Today we had appointment after appointment and I've let it get me down. Abby keeps saying "Mommy sad" because I've been crying.
I'm not going to lie, the urology appointment was a lot to handle today. Abby handled it like the trooper that she is and we found out that not much has changed--no better, no worse. The ultrasound looked great. Abby has no reflux in her kidneys and they look perfectly healthy. Even with all of this good news though, the doctor still wants to up Abby's dosage of Ditropan to three times a day. We also have to begin catheterizing her once each morning and night to make sure that there is no residual urine in her bladder, which could cause infections.
In better news, the orthopedic doctor says that Abby's sacrum bone looks perfectly normal to him and therefore will not require any additional surgery!
Why the sadness? Sometimes the unknown future overwhelms me. Will Abby spend years in pain? Will she have to go through cathing every day of her life? Will she hate us for all that she'll have to endure? Only time will tell. Now is the time to focus on the good though, and that is we have a very happy, smart, determined little girl who surpasses all of our expectations!!!
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2 comments:
Eileen, you and Ken have already been much stronger than I think most of us could ever be. You are allowed to have sad days because you will shake it off, and give Abby all the love and care possible. As I recall you saying before, "one day at a time, one diagnosis at a time..." or something similar to that. You are SO strong, and so is Abby. We love you!
Aunt Jenny
Eileen,
I have been thinking a lot about you guys lately. As Aunt Jenny said, so are SO strong. You are entitled to being on an emotional roller coaster!!! I also agree with Jenny that you have been so much stronger through these long months than the rest of us ever could have been.
You know that Abby is going to love you all unconditionally, as we are only given one Mother & Father in life. She will know that you are giving her nothing but LOVE AND CARE. Being a parent is probably the hardest task in life, and you are the best Mommy that any little one could ask for. I admire you for all you have endured! I will call you soon...and if you need an anything meanwhile, you know my number:)
Love, Addie
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